TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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