xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
That's how pantless uber rides happen
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