My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
this is an emotional support booty call
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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