This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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