I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
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