I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
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At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
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I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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