I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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