Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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