Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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