Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
