then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
