Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
