a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Blow job season was short but glorious.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
