Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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