Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
