Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
