dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
