I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
