Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
nutella sex= disaster
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
