Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
lets start a swedish sibling band together
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
