you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize