You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
