a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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