i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
