Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize