who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
