Texts From Last Night

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  (954): View more from Florida

  my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him

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  (954): my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him http://tfl.nu/k9ng
  Replies (28) Good night (4737) Bad night (832) Order T-Shirt
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  (407): View more from Florida

  My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.

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  (407): My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options. http://tfl.nu/3za2
  Replies (33) Good night (3653) Bad night (1384) Order T-Shirt
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  $3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.

  (630): View more from Illinois

  does taste better than andre tho

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  (630): $3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne. (630): does taste better than andre tho http://tfl.nu/drx8
  Replies (13) Good night (3197) Bad night (734)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.

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  (303): At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends. (1-303): At about the same time you guys weren't burritos. http://tfl.nu/mxci
  Replies (27) Good night (7816) Bad night (730)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.

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  (502): I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart. http://tfl.nu/9vpe
  Replies (50) Good night (5914) Bad night (1125) Order T-Shirt
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."

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  (802): We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money." http://tfl.nu/9u0b
  Replies (12) Good night (1154) Bad night (5759) Order T-Shirt
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  (972): View more from Texas

  The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.

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  (972): The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup. http://tfl.nu/267r
  Replies (25) Good night (5213) Bad night (1241)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.

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  (248): Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it. http://tfl.nu/bw3w
  Replies (9) Good night (3462) Bad night (1149) Order T-Shirt
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid

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  (405): I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid http://tfl.nu/bd90
  Replies (6) Good night (1051) Bad night (631) Order T-Shirt
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.

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  (919): It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion. http://tfl.nu/luwj
  Replies (9) Good night (2489) Bad night (400) Order T-Shirt
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.

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  (970): I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone. http://tfl.nu/5jkg
  Replies (7) Good night (397) Bad night (1334)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.

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  (573): I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators. http://tfl.nu/5v6t
  Replies (6) Good night (299) Bad night (962) Order T-Shirt
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.

  (1-715): View more from Wisconsin

  I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)

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  (715): If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real. (1-715): I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;) http://tfl.nu/oqj0
  Replies (2) Good night (905) Bad night (192)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Steaks?

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  It's Ash Wednesday.

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?

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  (267): Steaks? (215): It's Ash Wednesday. (267): If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made? http://tfl.nu/8kzi
  Replies (4) Good night (769) Bad night (180)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle

  (1-306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Haha, Tuesday man

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  (306): No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle (1-306): Haha, Tuesday man http://tfl.nu/ksku
  Replies (2) Good night (301) Bad night (61) Order T-Shirt

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