On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.