You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
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Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket