lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
My bed is full of blood and feathers
We left the knife in your bed.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.