went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Four minutes until I can fart!
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml