I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
