I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
