i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
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