Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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