Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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