how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
