I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
