Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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