Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
We need to get me chipped asap
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
