im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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