hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
