I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
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