this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
