Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
