just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
