I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
