dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
A bitchslap is in order.
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