letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize