don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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