nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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