Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
