Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
