I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
