omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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