Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
