dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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