Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
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you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
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I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I touched a dick in church today
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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