Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.

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(352): View more from Florida

if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.

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(406): View more from Montana

Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms

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(253): View more from Washington

Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...

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(913): View more from Kansas

I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.

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(313): View more from Michigan

I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?

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(201): View more from New Jersey

Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works

(843): View more from South Carolina

Too late, I'm convinced it's broken

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(336): View more from North Carolina

Did you get good sleep?

(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.

(832): View more from Houston, Texas

So yes.

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