She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
