Kareoke will never be a sober sport
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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