you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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