Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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