i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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