Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
