if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
