Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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